Who's Your Ninja?
by Mystoftime
Summary: A game the Straw Hats should never play brings up an interesting question along with some near-death experiences. Maybe someone shouldn't have told Luffy about ninjas...


**Disclaimer:** One Piece? What are you talking about? Of course it's not mine! You've got the wrong person! You want Eiichiro Oda, not me!

**Who's Your Ninja?**

**A One Piece Fanfic**

"There I was! Backed up against a deep ravine, surrounded by bloodthirsty ninjas with nothing but my bare hands to fight with. When suddenly, the Great Captain Usopp charged bravely and pulled out his secret weapon, wiping all the ninjas out in one fell swoop!"

Usopp finished with a big grin on his face. Up to now he'd been telling Luffy stories as Chopper listened nearby and the rubbery captain's eyes had sparkled with amazement. However, as the sniper waited expectantly for the exclamations of awe, Luffy's smile faded so he looked rather confused instead.

"What's a ninja?" he wondered, cocking his head to the side in that questioning way of his.

"Um…uh…" Usopp's grin faded to a thoughtful expression and he slowly sunk from his 'heroic pose' to sit on the ground across from Luffy. His proud appearance deflated as he struggled with this unexpected question.

Usually Luffy was content with just listening, though the occasional question would crop up now and again. He preferred it when it didn't, but oh well…

Luffy waited expectantly, but if the long-nosed man knew his captain _at all_ it was a temporary situation only.

He struggled to come up with something that the rubber boy would understand, "Er… well, ninjas are trained in martial arts to become skilled in the art of espionage and assassination." Usopp put in the simplest words he could think of.

Which apparently wasn't good enough because now the boy acted even more confused.

"Huh?" Luffy was dumfounded. Each word having gone in one ear and out the other.

The sniper glanced desperately around for help. When he heard a distinct giggle, his head whipped towards the source.

Robin looked up from the thick book she'd been reading. It was actually quite interesting, seeing that it was a historical account written by a government pet. She gave the sniper a small smile that was meant to be reassuring, though Usopp just found it slightly unnerving.

"That's right, Nagahana-kun. Ninjas were trained assassins," she confirmed and the sniper let out a huge breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Don't worry, I think Captain-san understands now.

And Usopp was surprised to see that the raven-haired woman was right.

You could practically see the light bulb that burst into life above Luffy's head.

"Oh, I know!" Luffy cried out excitedly, pumping his fist into the air to emphasize his point. "Like Robin!"

Usopp nearly fainted.

"What?" he shouted, waving his hands around in a panic and throwing frightened glances at the mentioned woman.

Luffy rolled his eyes like it was obvious. "Robin was a ninja assassin thingy for Crocodile. Remember?"

Usopp's eyes bugged out and he hurried to cover the boy's mouth and prevent him from saying any more.

Robin's light, tinkling laugh made him let go of the struggling captain.

"It's okay, Sniper-kun," she reassured him. Then she addressed Luffy. "However, Captain-san. Ninjas are from 14th century Japan and are skilled with a variety of weapons that's quite different from what you're thinking."

_Thank the maker,_ Usopp took a deep breath and wiped his forehead. Luffy could be so dense sometimes. Scratch that, almost all the time.

"Ah, yeah," the man smiled shakily. "Ninjas have all sorts of cool skills and I defeated them all!"

Another pose was struck and Luffy's eyes got wide.

"Sugeoi! That's so awesome, Usopp!" Luffy exclaimed.

Usopp smirked, glad that crisis had been averted.

There was no way he could know just how wrong he was….

The captain's excitement continued to escalate as he asked more questions about ninjas that the sniper answered with increasing fervor.

But when he started going into statistics, momentarily forgetting whom he was talking to, Luffy's attention went to a more pressing issue. He perked up, closely resembling a young puppy that has just sensed the possibility of a game of fetch. Usopp was oblivious as he gestured dramatically while he spoke.

Luffy's grin stretched farther than possible when he asked, "Then, who's more ninja?"

Usopp faltered and blinked in the suddenly harsh sunlight, before catching himself.

"The Great Captain Usopp of course!" he cried out, punctuating his statement by jabbing a thumb at his chest.

"Aww!" Luffy whined, his lower lip jutting out in a pout. "Why do you get to be the most ninja?"

He paused in thought for a second before replying, "Because ninjas require strategy."

_Yosh!_ Usopp smiled proudly at his logic. That was definitely a skill the rubbery captain did _not_ have.

However, Luffy wasn't appeased and crossed his arms in defiance, "But I have the most skills!"

A giggle from behind the two boys made them turn their heads.

Robin had given up on reading her book, finding the captain and sniper's discussion turned argument too entertaining to ignore. They really did get into fights over the silliest things, apart from the resident swordsman and cook of course. It wouldn't be without amusement to add fuel to the fire.

"He does have a point, Captain-san," Robin told the pouting Luffy. "Ninjas also required stealth to complete their missions."

Usopp threw back his head and guffawed. "Ha! Which you definitely lack, Luffy!"

The rubber boy tried to protest, "Hey! But, Robin-"

The archaeologist cut him off.

"There is a way to settle this though," Robin smiled, reclining back in her chair and putting her chin in her hand.

They immediately shut up, Usopp only muttering, "I told you so," before they both sat down, leaning forward eagerly. She suppressed another chuckle. This crew was truly unlike any other. More of a family than anything else and the sniper and captain acting like kids was refreshing from the cutlass cruelty she'd experienced many times before joining the Straw Hats.

Luffy squirmed impatiently. "Really? What is it Robin?"

She put her volume gently on a table and smiled indulgently, "Well there's this game that you can play called Ninja…"

You could see that his attention was lost at the mention of a game. With ninjas no less!

He turned to Usopp, "C'mon! Let's play the game!"

"Wait for Robin to explain _how_ to play first!" the sniper scolded, but to be honest he was just as intrigued.

"Thank you Nagahana-kun. As I was saying, you can play with any number of people and you start by bowing to each other before the game commences. Then you strike a pose and one person starts by trying to hit another person's arm. The other person has to dodge the attack. You can do that with any person, but you have to take turns. If you hit both their arms they're out and the last one standing wins."

Robin only regretted her choices of words later a little. It could be expected that it would become reality with people like Luffy onboard. Speaking of, the rubber boy was presently standing and tugging on the sniper's arm yelling, "Usopp! We _have_ to play!"

He managed to resist the captain's insistent pull long enough to ask, "Oi, Robin. Where'd you hear of this game?"

The dark-haired woman smiled at the memory.

They had docked at an autumn island and she'd gone on a walk along one of the many scenic paths when she came upon a group of children. A group of boys and girls around the ages of six or eight had been flailing about in various positions, giggling and shouting happily. Robin chose a nearby tree to sit against with a newly purchased book. She watched them play with interest and had gotten the gist of the game, hearing the name shouted at random times by the kids.

She'd never thought it would come into any use now.

She replied mysteriously to the sniper's question, "Somewhere."

There was a pause where he looked like he wanted to ask for more specification, when Usopp shrugged and was whisked away by a Luffy hyped up on the prospect of a brand new game.

Opening her book to where she had left it, Robin was reminded of those children playing on that autumn island.

"Oi, Usopp!" Luffy hollered. "Let's see if anyone else wants to play!"

Hid play mate could find no reason to back out and nodded, "Okay, but who're we going to ask-?"

"SANJI!"

Luffy was already running full tilt in the direction of the kitchen and galley. The sniper could only watch the inevitable play out and collision seem imminent. He had no time to put on the brakes- though Usopp severely doubted he had any, when the galley door swung open and the sole of a polished shoe connected with Luffy's grinning face.

The owner of the shoe looked down at the downed captain with an expression akin to disgust. Nudging the crumpled heap that was Luffy slightly, Sanji exhaled some smoke and stated calmly, yet threateningly, "For the last time, you bottomless pit, you're not allowed to come into the kitchen and steal food whenever you want. Especially. When. I'm. Holding. Drinks. For. The. Ladies!"

He emphasized each word with a kick and Usopp cringed from the anger that was rolling off the cook in detectable waves. Even if he was right about every one, he'd misunderstood this occasion.

It was a good thing Luffy was practically indestructible.

Hopping to his feet after brushing off his hat, the rubber boy gave him a hurt look. Probably meant to induce guilt, but failing miserably due to the grin that kept on returning.

"Oww, Sanjiiii!" Luffy whined. "I just wanted to ask if you'd play a new game with us."

Sanji gave him a doubtful glance. It was hard to believe the captain ever didn't want some food. He was grudgingly impressed. "Really?"

He smiled his widest smile, a touch pleadingly, "Yeah! And can I have some meat too?"

"Luffy! You ruined it!" Usopp cried in exasperation at the same instant the cook snapped.

Any smidge of mercy he'd been feeling or the moment of being impressed disintegrated and the cook's temper rose over the boiling point.

"Bastard! Go jump off the ship!" Sanji roared and dropkicked Luffy.

He went sailing across the deck and the sniper traced his path with awe. Until he plummeted to the ground just short of the railing and only because Luffy stretched at the last moment, grabbing the mast.

Sanji didn't bother to check if his captain had fallen into the ocean or not and noodled over the closest lady.

"Robin-chwan! Was that rubber bastard bothering you? I could always kick him again for good measure."

Robin took the offered coffee gratefully, but shook her head, "It's quite all right, Sanji-kun. Thank you for the drink."

At the use of his name, the cook melted and showered the woman with the usual comments. Usopp helped Luffy to his feet as Sanji bid her farewell and twirled off, disappearing into the navigation room with Nami's tea.

With the cook gone, Luffy bounced back with renewed vigor and without fearing the cook's wrath. He immediately asked Robin if she would play the ninja game with them, but she declined. She much preferred watching.

As Luffy thought about whom his next victim would be, Chopper trotted up to him and Usopp. He'd been grinding an assortment of herbs into a fine powder on the deck. Earlier, he'd talked to Sanji about adding more immunity and energy boosters to the crew's meals and together they'd come up with these herbs. They would be sneakily added to the food like any other spices without having any members refuse to ingest them.

_Mainly Zoro,_ Chopper sighed and rolled up his supplies. The swordsman was so adamant about taking medication it made the rest of the crew look like angels in the little doctor's eyes.

Chopper had been thinking about this among other matters, when his keen hearing picked up the conversation Luffy and Usopp had been having for a while. The mere mention of a new game brought his inner child to the surface.

"Hey Luffy! Hey Usopp! What game are you talking about?" the reindeer asked curiously.

Luffy turned towards him with a big grin. "A game with ninjas! Wanna play?"

"Really?" Chopper's eyes got wide. "Sure!"

"Great! Usopp, who should we get next?"

The sniper put his hand to his chin for a second. "Well, Robin said no." He looked at the occupied woman. "Sanji said no way." He glanced at the direction the cook had waltzed off to. "That leaves Franky, Brooke, Nami and Zoro."

"Hmm…" Luffy assumed a similar position. "How about…"

_Bam!_

A cheery voice accompanied the sound of the navigation room door. "Of course, Nami-swan! Your knight will always be here for you!"

Sanji skipped out with an empty tray in hand and Luffy waved at him.

"Oi! Sanji!"

The man glared at the captain, a scowl replacing his former grin. "What?"

"Does Nami want to play with us?"

Everyone on deck could swear Sanji burst a vein.

"Why would someone of her caliber want to get dirty with _you_?" he snarled.

Luffy didn't get the hint. "So… that's a yes?" he guessed hopefully.

"No! Nami-san is busy right now, but she'll come out soon, so you better. And I mean you better not annoy her. Same with Robin-chan."

He had narrowed his gaze to include only the rubber boy before muttering something and stalking off, the kitchen door swinging shit behind him.

"Um, Luffy," Chopper started nervously. "What did you do to get Sanji so angry?"

Usopp had viewed the incident before, but he was also confused, "Yeah. It's like 'whenever he sees Zoro and is offended by his mere existence' angry. Did you bleach a pair of his pants or something?"

The boy shrugged as if it was no big deal. "I didn't know that fridge full of meat was for an important dinner he planned."

"Uh…" Chopper and Usopp exchanged glances. Maybe now wasn't such a good time to point out that the locks and traps the cook had set out in desperation were trying to send that very message.

Suddenly, Luffy turned to them. "Okay!" he shouted so loud Chopper jumped in fright. "I'll go ask Franky and Chopper can ask Brooke if they want to play Ninja!"

Chopper nodded, a tad nervously, but scurried below deck to find the skeletal musician. Luffy was practically falling over with excitement.

"Hey, Luffy," Usopp tapped his shoulder. "Who's going to ask Zoro?"

The rubber boy grinned in a way the sniper thought was almost malicious. Though it must have been his overactive imagination.

"You can, Usopp!"

Usopp cast a nervous look in Zoro's direction.

The swordsman had been sleeping in his usual position by the mast the entire time. His swords were always close by and his head hung on his chest, the picture of relaxation perfected by the constant snoring. The sniper considered this quite a feat considering how loud the crew-mainly Luffy, was along with the green-haired man's many other talents.

Either way, though, he had no desire to wake Zoro from his nap. He may admire him and all, but Usopp certainly knew better than to pester him. So why was he the one enlisted to do exactly that?

Frankly, the swordsman scared him more than anyone else in the Straw Hat crew, though he knew Zoro would never hurt him. Or… maybe he would if he was shaken from his slumber…

Thoroughly freaked by his habitual fretting, Usopp tried to excuse himself.

"Luffy, I really think that's not a good idea. He probably won't even wake up…" But the boy was already gone and the sniper was left with his lone task.

"Why…" he moaned to himself as he tread softly over to Zoro. When he reached the man, he made sure he wasn't within easy range.

He saw the pestle Chopper had been using and picked it up, a flash of genius sparking in his mind. Usopp inched a little closer. "Zoro… Oi, Zoro…"

Usopp's whispers prompted no response, but it was to be expected.

"Wake up, Zoro!" he tried one last time. It didn't work and he resigned himself to a different method.

With Chopper's pestle raised, Usopp prepared to prod Zoro awake. It was Luffy's way of doings things so he figured might as well. He took a deep breath and the pestle nudged the green-haired man softly when there was an abrupt break between the snores and a shiver ran down the sniper's spine.

Though his frightened mind may have imagined it, he knew he'd heard the swordsman mutter, "Do it again and I'll kill you."

After the snoring continued and the foreboding feeling slowly faded, Usopp dropped the pestle and made a hasty escape. Behind Robin might be a good choice.

He was still huddled as far from Zoro as possible when Luffy and Chopper returned with saddened expressions.

Usopp didn't have to ask what happened, though they told him anyway.

"Brooke is busy writing a new song," Chopper informed gloomily.

Luffy looked from Usopp to Zoro inquisitively. Then, he added, "And Franky said he was working on a super secret project. What about you, Usopp?"

"Er… Zoro… I couldn't wake him up," Usopp settled on this reply.

Chopper sat down in despair. "Can we play with just three people?"

"Yosh!" Luffy brightened and pulled the doctor to his feet. "Robin said so and it'll be fun!"

Usopp and Chopper cheered, all problems forgotten.

It would be an understatement to say Luffy didn't understand the game.

His cry of, "Ninja! Ninja!" echoed throughout the ship, causing Franky and Brooke to sneak a peek at what was going on before wisely withdrawing. The captain was too hyper for anyone's liking.

Nami had indeed emerged from her room like Sanji had predicted and taken up relaxing on deck in a chair beside Robin. Both women had moved a good distance away from the happy-go-lucky trio, knowing no good could come of their antics. Sanji manned the helm, as a good excuse for checking on the girls every five minutes and rebuking the idiots.

Once Robin gave her the details of the boys' new game, Nami became even wearier. Only the older woman's well spoken reassurances stopped her from bringing their fun to an abrupt halt.

"Don't worry, Nami-san," Robin encouraged her friend. "Captain-san and the others will be fine."

The navigator frowned, casting a downward glance at her unfinished sketch of the last island they'd visited. "I'm not worried about _them_, Robin. I'm worried about _us_."

A short laugh was the response the anxious Nami got along with, "Then we still have Sanji-kun."

Partially comforted, Nami sighed and shook her head. All they could do was sit back and wait for something to go wrong…

Chopper, Usopp and Luffy all bowed to each other to start the game though they were rolling on the ground in laughter almost immediately. Each player struck the best pose they could think of.

The sniper found this surprisingly easy. He chopped his hands, yelling, "HII-YA!"

"HII-YA!" Luffy and Chopper laughed. Chopper giggled so hard that he lost balance as he was standing on only one hoof and he toppled over. The rubber boy tried to catch him, but he was also in a precarious position and fell forward.

"Ah!"

"Ouch!"

"What's going- agh!" Usopp joined the pile of Straw Hats as he teetered from his ninja pose by the railing.

They struggled to get out of the unsightly tangle of limbs, rubbery or otherwise. However, it was more difficult than it seemed because a certain captain's laughing was rather contagious.

"Haha!" Luffy giggled and stretched around a dizzy Chopper in search of his hat. "This is soooo fun!"

Usopp groaned, "I don't think we're doing this right, Luffy?" He finally tugged his leg free of the others. Was his foot supposed to bend that way? Testing it in a panic, he was relieved it wasn't broken.

Luffy slapped his hat on his head and grinned. "Who cares!"

"Ugh…" Chopper scrambled to his feet. "Did I win?"

The little reindeer glanced at the captain and sniper. His eyes widened and he couldn't stop staring.

Finally, Usopp grew uncomfortable and asked, "What is it, Chopper?"

Chopper burst out laughing and fell flat on the deck again. "Haha! You guys! Haha- you have prints on your faces! Hahaha!"

"Ohhhh! Really?" Luffy grabbed Usopp by the shoulders and looked at him carefully. "Wow! Usopp! There's a hoofmark on your face!"

"And there's a replica of the deck on yours!"

They bust out in mirthful chuckles again when Luffy suddenly sobered, "We still don't know who's the most ninja."

"Well I-" Usopp began when a fist abruptly connected with his arm. "Ow!" He glared at Luffy. "What was that for?"

He grinned and stood at a ready stance, looking very 'ninja.' His hand curved slightly in a beckoning movement.

The sniper jumped into action. "Bring it on!"

"My turn!" Chopper announced gleefully and joined in as the fun truly began.

"NINJA! I'M SO NINJA!"

All three Straw Hats ducked and dove as they tried to prove their own skills… and avoid Luffy's monstrously strong and erratic punches. They were flailing around more than anything and you could hear yelps of pain as some blows found their mark.

However, the rules had been out the window for a long time. They scuffled a while longer until Usopp got an idea and whispered it in Chopper's ear. The captain was so tough it wouldn't matter if they ganged up on him, would it?

_"Triple Fire Star!" _he shot several pachinkos at the rubber boy who was laughing like a maniac.

"Ah! Hot! Hot!" Luffy tried to put out the miniature fire on his arm frantically. When that didn't work he started running around screaming.

Chopper leaped into the air and latched himself onto Luffy's head. "Gotcha Luffy! You're out-"

Their voices were cut off when the captain ran straight into a couple crates that littered the deck. They both collapsed and Usopp looked on in disbelief, before charging at them, shouting victoriously.

Meanwhile, the girls had been viewing the game with growing concern. The boys really were going to hurt themselves if they continued to play like this. Even worst was that their doctor was involved and collecting scrapes with the rest of them. Nami had resolved to beat some sense into them when a light touch on her shoulder stopped her.

She turned to look and the extra hand vanished in a flurry of lightly scented petals. Robin gave her a smile in confidence that said that things would calm down eventually. With a sigh, Nami relaxed again and that's when the cook appeared.

Sanji came out of the kitchen tray in hand filled with an assortment of snacks for the ladies. He glided over and was giving it to Nami and Robin when the noise he'd faintly heard inside became much louder.

A glance at his other crewmates was enough for Sanji to be concerned.

"What the hell happened?" he asked aloud.

Robin looked up at him from her book. "Happen_ing_," she corrected. "They're playing a game."

The cook took in the sight more carefully. Splintered crates where Luffy and Chopper had tripped, scorch marks on the deck and various signs of damage also visible where attacks had missed. Their skirmish hadn't ranged too far, but there was enough broken that he was surprised Nami-san hadn't killed them three times over.

He cast a surprised look her way and she shook her head.

"I know," Nami sighed again. "But Robin thinks that it should all be over soon… hopefully."

Hearts came to Sanji's eye, "Nami-swan and Robin-chwan are so thoughtful and considerate!"

Shouts and screams followed the cook's exclamation.

Luffy and Chopper were revived once more and the rubber boy was grinning at the reindeer and Chopper in a way that made them fear for their very lives.

"Oi, Luffy," Usopp spoke nervously. "What are you going to do?"

He took up a stance that was quite familiar and chuckled, "I'm going to win!"

Chopper realized what he was going to do at the same moment the sniper did. "Luffy! Don't!"

Usopp looked around wildly for help. His gaze fell on the sleeping swordsman against the mast behind them.

_Oh crap,_ Usopp thought and put up his hands. "Bad idea, Luffy! Look who's behind-"

But Luffy was already winding up his arm and adrenaline was pumping through his system. He gave one last grin of anticipation as he set his sights on the now terrified Usopp and Chopper.

_"Gomu Gomu no…."_ the captain brought his rubber arm as far back as possible. _"… Pistol!"_ In a blur of speed, his fist rocketed forward and his two-crew mates let out identical screams of panic.

"Move!" Usopp shrieked.

The doctor managed to roll out of the way at the last second and the sniper also escaped with all his limbs attached.

They fell to a heap on either side of the mast, gasping in their lost air.

"I thought I was going to die," Chopper panted, lying flat on his back.

Usopp was in a similar condition, "Me too… oh no!" He sat up suddenly and Chopper squeaked in fright.

Then they noticed that Luffy's fist was still going… straight towards the snoozing Zoro. Luffy abruptly noticed that his targets had fled and looked confused before he realized whom he was about to hit. But it was too late.

Luffy, Chopper and Usopp's jaws dropped in shock and their panicked expressions turned to ones of awe as the rubber fist continued on its course.

Except, as it was about to hit Zoro, the man dodged, shifting a little to the right. Luffy's fist plunged into the wood of the mast, throwing splinters into the air. Then, just when they thought it was over and were about to let out their collectively held breaths, Zoro swiftly grabbed the fist as it began returning to its owner.

Luffy made a slight sound of mingled surprise and pain as the swordsmen clutched the fist in his own hand and applied pressure. Almost as quickly, he let go and Luffy's arm snapped back.

Zoro resumed snoring as if nothing had happened.

Yet, now the three onlookers weren't so sure anymore. They stared at the green-haired man in wonder until they found their voices.

"Wasn't he…" Usopp began uncertainly.

"…asleep?" Chopper finished and his eyes were wide. He gazed at Zoro as though he might suddenly wake up and start performing tricks.

The captain stood there and tilted his head to the side, saying nothing.

Silence was absolute until another person spoke up.

"It almost seems as if Swordsman-san can choose when to be asleep or awake," Robin observed quietly. She, Nami and even Sanji had seen the unexplainable scene.

Nami was a little paler than usual and Sanji looked like he wanted to kick something, or someone. With a grunt, he took his tray and went back inside.

Chopper's admiration could not be concealed, "W-wow! Zoro's amazing!"

Usopp laughed, still a tad anxious, "He's not human!"

"Interesting," Robin stated and went back to her book.

Her orange-haired companion gave a small smile and exhaled in relief. It had seemed unavoidable that someone would get seriously hurt, but her fears were unfounded. Also, the paltry collections of bruises and cuts the three troublemakers had gained would allow her to punish them without guilt later. She smirked at the thought and added a couple lines to her map.

Luffy, who had been silent up to now, suddenly put his hands on his hips, stood up straight and gave a huge grin.

"Shishishishi!" He gazed at his sleeping first mate before speaking, "Yosh! I've decided!"

Everyone on deck looked at him curiously. What was Luffy talking about?

"Huh?"

The rubber boy faced them after shooting the swordsman another glance.

"Zoro's the most ninja!"

His crew just smiled, Usopp and Chopper looking a little taken aback. But Luffy could hear a soft, deep chuckle behind him that told him that the swordsman had been listening all along.

** Author's Note:** Hey there! You can call this a belated Christmas gift or an early New Year's celebratory thing. Or nothing at all, you decide. Anyways, the game of Ninja is actually real and one that should have a warning on it that says, "No Straw Hats allowed to play at the risk of serious injury, maiming or death." I've played it before and don't really understand it or play it that well. However, it felt like one that they would play with… interesting results. And it gave me the chance to show Zoro's epic skills of not playing and winning. Hehe, ninjas are awesome and I couldn't resist. ;)

I hope you enjoyed this little story. Reviews are always appreciated.


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